By Dr. Virginia Savage

Let's imagine that each task waiting for your return home from work is a ball. One ball is for getting dinner ready, one for chauffeuring the kids to after school activities, another for cleaning the house, another for laundry, and on and on. Now imagine juggling all of those balls, keeping them in the air and moving constantly. Not a pretty sight? No wonder the stress of transition from work to home is a challenge.

Like juggling balls, it is easier to focus on two or three tasks rather than TEN, so what can be done to change your exasperated efforts into an art form? Consider the suggestions I want to offer you and make a commitment to do something about it. You just might be amazed at the results in more ways than simply having a well-run household.

Organize and plan for change
Make a list of everything you do, from the time you leave work to the time you go to bed. You only have to do it once and you will probably add to the list as you remember more. Prioritize your list, from the most important to the least important tasks. It will amaze you to see all that you are trying to accomplish in just a few hours. I know that this first suggestion requires even more time in your busy schedule but trust me, it's really important for the next step.

Delegate
If you are married or have a partner and you both work, let's hope you can both agree to delegate tasks (explain the benefits to your relationship and to your family) before you start the change. If you are a single parent (and even if you are not) you will be doing your kids a huge service by delegating tasks, teaching them to contribute to the family and ultimately allowing them to feel pride in their part of family unity. You might want to give each person (including yourself and your partner) an opportunity to choose which tasks to be responsible for. If this doesn't happen, delegation is the rule. Three year olds, of course, will have much simpler tasks than teenagers, but everybody has at least one. These are not tasks they are already expected to perform (like cleaning up their room) but family tasks (prep cook, setting the table, doing the dishes, vacuuming, laundry, etc). And finally, everybody has a specific task for one week, then switch so that variety exists and a full range of skills is being learned.

Model standards you expect
One big mistake that many
parents make is telling kids to do something over and over, repeating "it's not good enough." Or even worse, just giving up and doing the task yourself. You must demonstrate and show how you want things done and what you expect to see as a result in the beginning. If you wait until it's a correction it will seem more like criticism and punishment than information. After you show what you want the only question that needs to be asked (after they announce that it is done) is "Does it look like the way I taught you/showed you in the beginning?" Having a clear standard to follow makes people accountable for answering truthfully and responsibly.

Motivate
This is a biggie so think about it carefully. What motivates YOU to improve? Someone who considers you a constant frustration and never good enough or someone who believes in your ability and admires your progress? I believe we live up to what people expect of us. The absolute key to motivation is to recognize, praise, and reward small steps toward achieving a goal. Look for things to praise and reward. Don't hold out for the big vision of the Brady Bunch before you cave in and throw a morsel of praise or recognition. Change happens quickest when small steps are achieved and recognized. Please take the time and effort to visit the clean bathroom, smile at the clean dishes, marvel at socks and underwear placed in the drawers (not the floor). And most of all, practice what you preach. If you expect things to be done correctly, neatly, on time and want people to really listen and pay attention - you must model it yourself. Take a good look at yourself and step up to the plate.

Finally, commit to changing at least one thing per week and stick to it! Expect some conflict but keep emotion out of the process. Discuss your dilemma and your plans for change with your family and then ask for support and consensus... an agreement to work together for a peaceful, happy and productive home environment.
There are plenty of guidelines and suggestions for your new career as a juggling artist of family tasks, but four or five balls to think about is enough for now. Remember that change happens over time and consistency on your part is essential. So is recognition and praise. Start small and think big. You will be practicing and teaching a much bigger skill than multi-tasking. You will be creating an example of family unity and peace. Plus, your own life will be more manageable, productive and peaceful as a result. Happy juggling.

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